Nabeel’s One Takes — The Universe and Wellbeing
Hey, I’m back 👋
Hello, hello everyone who takes the time out to read what I write. I’m back and following up from my last blog on perfectionism. It’s ironic that I went on a 10-month hiatus straight after posting about how I’m not giving up and not trying to be perfect.
Truth is, I’ve been going through a rough patch and trying my best to manage work, life, relationships, finances, other hobbies and interests all while trying to get past that doubtful and negative voice in my head that’s constantly asking me rhetorical questions like “what’s the point in anything”? While some s**t things have happened, so have some good ones. There have been some profound moments I’ve been having recently that have led me to come back on here to braindump and express myself — something I love doing but it’s a battle with myself to come on here in the first place.
However, I have accepted that I will need to take it at my own pace and while that may not be the pace I prefer in my mind’s eye, one step forward 10 months apart is still a step forward nonetheless. To ease myself back into it, today I’m going to sit down and write about whatever I can think of in 30 minutes or less and publish it no matter what. So, are you ready?
So, what’s so profound?
As mentioned previously, I’ve been going through some tough times mentally but in the midst of it all, I’ve had a bit of an awakening through my love of…ASTRONOMY. Yes you read that right, astronomy did indeed save my life.
I’ve been incredibly depressed about things from the past (as is the case with depression) and while some like to assign meaning to things that have happened by saying things like “everything happens for a reason” and “it was a blessing in disguise”, for me it doesn’t seem to work. Yes, it is comforting and healthy to express gratitude for the positive things that are happening in your life currently but what if that bad thing in the past still doesn’t make sense nor correlate to the positive things at present? What if it feels like I’m lying to myself by retrofitting a positive narrative to terrible and confusing things from the past? What if nothing is really supposed to make sense and we just make it make sense to put ourselves more at ease?
*enter existential crisis as I’m writing this*
The point is, I believe tragedies and bad things in general don’t always happen for a reason. I believe that often they can be random and really they just suck and that is life. I’m suspecting that you’re getting bored of my nihilistic preamble by now and asking “where does astronomy come in to all of this”? Well, on 12th July 2022, something amazing happened. The world saw some of the most detailed pictures of our universe from the James Webb Space Telescope and they did not disappoint:
The image shown above is one small patch of the night sky equivalent to “the size of a grain of sand held at arm’s length by someone on the ground” and each glimmer of light you see on that image is a galaxy containing millions if not billions of stars and solar systems. I’d encourage you all to check out the other pictures because they’re so amazing, I didn’t put them here because I’m Nabeel, not NASA.
I’m still not quite getting the point here…
During the point at which these pictures were coming out, personally my self-care, personal hygiene, performance at work and relationships with friends were being really negatively impacted and I was finding it difficult to cope. In seeing these pictures, it was the first time in a while that I was genuinely in awe at how small and insignificant we are as beings on this blue dot we call home. It was also the first time in a while that I had been able to sit down and just look at something with curiosity. Ultimately, it made me realize that there is this big, random universe out there that doesn’t make sense but being a miniscule part of this gigantic, beautiful chaos is in itself a blessing.
So that’s where the astronomy comes in. It helped me realize that random things happen and they can be beautiful and it’s not the meaning that makes it so. Equally, given the nature of randomness, bad things can also happen and the fact that it makes no sense doesn’t mean nothing about life itself is beautiful. I was trying to find the meaning to things where there really isn’t any and in that time I forgot to appreciate the simple wonders around me.
So, that’s it really. I just wanted to say it helps me live in the moment and realize that I am part of a big random thing that has good moments as well as bad. Try looking at the night sky on a clear night yourself and tell me if you feel similar.
Until next time.
Nabeel
